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When I am in touch with my burdens, passions and longings I often tremble. My hands shake a bit. My chest slightly tightens. Senses, in general, are elevated. Eyes are a bit moist. I am starting to use this self-awareness as a realization that I am getting in touch with a deep thing in my being. I try to write and speak out of that place and often times find it hard to put burdens, passions and longings into words. It is a difficult task for me and based on countless conversations, I observed that it is by nature, difficult for all us fallen beings.

Sometimes when it comes to revealing me, I find myself packaging my words in frames that are filled with theological, cultural or psychological jargons. Though these frames may be helpful, many times they are not truly authentic. That is, it is not fully me but acceptable images of me. It is a way to make it acceptable or even understandable to the other that I tell it to.

It takes many levels to have deep authentic expressions. It requires a language of emotions, longings and needs. Word we identify as what we are internally experiencing. But the words only are identifiable if we practice self-reflection. Self-awareness is required to have authentic expression. But too many of our actions seek not to get in touch with our emotions, passions, needs and longings. Rather our actions seek to avoid it because it moves us into a very anxious and uncomfortable place. Our solution is not to face that but avoid it. That is our compromised solutions. We won’t get past that until we own that.

The grace of God allows for our frustrations with our limited, fallen efforts in self-expression. He calls to “Pour out your hearts oh people.” (Psalm 62:8) That is a call to authentic expressions and self-awareness. Sometimes authentic expressions are moans, growls, giggles and sighs. Words can get in the way. Even this we struggle with because we want to be and have been taught to be in control. Yet he understands our struggle with this. His Spirit comes alongside our spirit and groans for us when we in our weakness cannot. (Romans 8:26)

When I have a moment when passion is translated through the internal muck that is my soul, when passion is translated into authentic expressions of words, my vision is renewed, it feels like something has been unlocked in me. It is my vision for life, mission and God.

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